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The following text is inscribed in the porchway of St Andrew’s Church, Ashingdon (see my pics of the Church here):

1016 Battle of Assandon fought on this spot between Cnut the Dane and Edmund Ironside on S. Luke’s Day.

In this battle all the nobility of the English race was destroyed.
(Anglo Saxon Chronicle)

1020. In this year went the King (Cnut) to Assingdon and Archbishop Wolstan and Thurkyl the Earl, and many Bishops and also Abbots and many Monks and consecrated the Minster of Assingdon
(Anglo Saxon Chronicle)

and caused to be built there a Minster of stone and lime for the souls of the men who there were slain, and gave it to one of his Priests whose name was Stigand.

(another M.S. of the Anglo Saxon Chronicle)

By Monkey Business

My mum showed me this, I thought it was amusing. I haven’t been able to track the source attributed below; I have had loads of teachers email me asking to use this in class. I don’t have the copyright on it, so I can’t decide for you (but anyone who says a teacher can’t use something in a classroom is a mug!).

Uans oppena taim ues tre berrese;
mamma berre, pappa berre, a bebi berre
Live inne contri nire foreta.

NAISE AUS.
NO MACHEGGIA.

Unno doi, pappa, mamma, e bebi
go tudia bice,
anie fughette loche de dorre.
Bai enne bai commose Goldilocchese,
sci garra nattinghe tu du
betta meiche troble.
Sci puschie olle fudde daon di maute;
no leve cromme.
Dan schi gos appesterese
ene slipse in alle beddse.
LEISE SLOBBE!

Bai anne bai commese omme
di tri berrese;
alle sommebronde enne sand inna scius,
Dei garra no fudde,
garra no beddse
En warra dei goine due to Goldilocchese?
Tro erie inne strict?
Colle pullssemenne?
FETTE CIENZE!

Dei uas Italien Berrese,
Goldilocchese stei derre tree unidase;
itte aute ausenomme;
on guita becose die asche erra
to meiche di beddse
sci sai “Go jampa in di lache,”
enne runne omma craine
to erra mamma
tellen erre uat saniguenses
di tri berres uor.
Uatsiuse? Uara ju goine du?
– Go compliene sittiole?

My mother showed me this poem. It moved me; let it move you too.

---

I went to a party Mum
I remembered what you said
You told me not to drink Mum
So I drank soft drink instead

I really felt proud inside Mum
The way you said I would
I didn’t drink & drive Mum
Even though the others said I should

I know I did the right thing Mum
I know you were always right
Now the party is ending Mum
As everyone is driving out of sight

As I got into my car Mum
I knew I’d get home in one piece
Because the way you raised me Mum
So resposible & sweet

I started to drive away Mum
But as I pulled onto the road
The other car didn’t see me Mum
And hit me like a load

As I lay there on the pavement Mum
I hear the policeman say
The other guy is drunk Mum
And now I’m the one who’ll pay

I’m lying here dying Mum
I wish you’d get here soon
How could this happen to me Mum?
My life just burst like a baloon

There is blood all around me Mum
And most of it is mine
I hear the medic say Mum
I’ll die in a short time

I just wanted to tell you Mum
I swear I didn’t drink
It was the others Mum
The others who didn’t think

He was probably at the same party as I
The only difference is he drank & I will die

Why do you think people drink Mum?
It can ruin yur whole life
I’m feeling sharp pains now
Pains just like a knife

The guy who hit me is walking Mum
And I don’t think it’s fair
I’m lying here dying Mum
And all he can do is stare

Tell my brother not to cry Mum
Tell Dad to be brave
And when I go to Heaven Mum
Write “Daddy’s Girl” on my grave

Someone should have told him Mum
Not to drink & drive
If only they had told him Mum
I would still be alive

My breath is getting shorter Mum
I’m becoming very scared
Please don’t cry for me Mum
When I needed you, you were always there

I have one last question Mum
Before I say goodbye
I didn’t drink & drive Mum
So why am I the one to die

Author Unknown